Ri and I had an argument today, a rather big one, during our weekly video chat. I guess tension had built up over the course of these few weeks since he’s changed job and hence work schedule, and we don’t talk as often as we did. His fancy new job requires him to get up before 6am so he keeps a strict sleeping pattern of going to sleep by 8pm. So for those of you who are not familiar with the time difference, let me translate that, that means I get up in morning and he needs to go to sleep at my noon. That gives us just a few hours in the middle and our conversation are constantly interrupted by bad internet connection because I am commuting in a subway tunnel that is several stories beneath ground level.
The whole thing started off with a peacock stamp I had purchased on Etsy. (As I am typing this sentence up right now, almost 10 hours post fight, it makes us sound so stupid and silly) I bought it so Ri doesn’t have to hand write all the return address on the back of our wedding invitations, all he needs to do is find a way to stamp it. Also, since planning a wedding is sort of like a big project that we have to work together to accomplish, we created a online spreadsheet that we can edit and keep records of expenses and tasks, etc. In order to accomplish such simple task of stamping the peacock stamp on the invitations, and ink pad is required, and here is the essence of our argument:
Ri: the point of keeping an online spreadsheet is so that I don’t have to remember things, but can quickly access those information when I need them. So since you want me to get an ink pad, why don’t you put that on the spreadsheet?
Selina: I think it would be more beneficial for you to put the task on the spreadsheet yourself because then this way you might remember it more when you actually have to do this task.
Now, in retrospect, how incredibly stupid do we sound? Now, I need to be perfectly honest, neither of us were telling the other to do this thing because we were too lazy, no, we both had valid reasons (in our head) why it would be better for the other person to do it.
Ri being a gentleman that he is, naturally wanted to avert an argument right off the bat, said that he will put this task onto the spreadsheet because ‘one of us needs to do it’. Thinking that he had just cleverly avoid an argument, we went on and talked about other things, one of which was from our previous conversation about bringing some See’s candies with him to Taiwan when he comes to visit. He had asked me a few days ago, and I told him he should get a dozen of the smaller packages and perhaps 3 larger ones for the families. Now, today, when he asked me again, I sort of got annoyed and asked why he doesn’t write all these things down.
Ri: maybe you can put down how many boxes of chocolate I should bring on the spreadsheet?
Selina: Why do I have to remember all these little details? If you had put this on the spreadsheet a few days earlier, maybe you will remember it now instead of asking me about it.
Ri: but it was your idea, so why don’t you just put down exactly how many boxes I should get, and I’ll get it?
Selina: it was YOUR idea, you just asked me for my suggestion and I gave one. You just think that it’s okay for you not to remember anything because you will just put things off until you ask me again.
and then we just got passive aggressive with each other. You see how circular this whole conversation is getting, don’t you? I started saying how I’m tired of doing wedding things on my own because I know he isn’t interested in helping, it makes me feel alone and dramatic. And Ri started saying how he doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal for girls to have the PERFECT wedding, and every little details must be exactly to my liking, it’s just a night where people get married, it doesn’t add anything to our relationship. After that sentence, Selina blew up. Now, instead of picturing a erupting volcano, I would like you to imagine the crackling of a giant iceberg. Sentences that contains the phrase “not have a wedding anymore” started flying out of my big mouth, and I wouldn’t stop yelling and crying or give him any chance to speak until I was done with saying everything I wanted to say, then I shut down. After 15 minutes of trying to defend for himself after hearing my words, Ri realized he is really not getting to me. I said good night, and then I signed off. I cried some more, watched some YouTube videos of pretty people singing and try to cool off. Then I got an email and a little ring of the G chat.
“I understand now that your whole point is for me to have an attitude of striving to treat everything you care about to the same degree if not higher, just because I love you. To have things completed base on your requirement, not because it is a task because I love you. I am not sure how much patience and willingness you have left to wait for me to be a man to always have this attitude. I hope there is a lot left, but I can promise you that I will always try to keep attitude in my mind.”
G chat reads ” I’m sorry”
Then in a lighting fast speed, I typed in 3 words “I’m sorry, too”, and we exchanged virtual hugs and kisses and then we started watching the amazing YouTube videos that I was just watching together. At the end of the day, we still love each other, maybe even just a little bit more than the day before. And guys, don’t ask a girl to marry you and then ask her why having the wedding her way is so important.